- 5 1/2 c sifted all-purpose flour
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
- 3 tsp ground cinnamon
- 2 tsp ground ginger
- 2 tsp ground cloves
- 1 tsp ground nutmeg
- 1 c vegetable shortening
- 1 c molasses
- 1 egg
- 1 c sugar
1. Make friends with a girl who will become your best friend, but maybe somewhat less than you’ll be hers. Split a Best Friends necklace that you buy for two dollars at the holiday gift bazaar at school.
2. Sift flour, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, loves [sic], and baking soda onto wax paper.
3. Every December, go to your best friend’s house. Sleep over. Her mom will have gingerbread dough waiting to roll and cut and bake and assemble into houses. The lawns will be a thick layer of frosting with green sprinkles. Play with Barbies even though you’re both too old for Barbies. Her mom will make you French toast in the morning and braid your hair. Your mom doesn’t know how to braid hair. Watch National Velvet and Cheetah.
4. In a large bowl, beat shortening with sugar until fluffy light. Beat in molasses and egg. Stir in flour mixture to make a stiff dough. (You will probably need a large spoon to stir in the last portion of the flour; the dough at this point will be too stiff for a mixer.)
5. The Winter your best friend is in rehab (the first time), go anyway. Her mom will have gingerbread dough waiting. Sleep in your best friend’s bed, and take her mom out for breakfast in the morning.
6. Chill several hours or overnight—until dough is firm enough to roll.
7. After a particularly horrible holiday when your best friend ditches you for a boy and you stay up waiting for her until four in the morning, fall out of touch. Decide that you’ve gone out on enough limbs and been left hanging many times too many, and that if she wants to be friends with you, she has your number.
8. Place a sheet of aluminum foil, large enough to line the cookie sheet, on the counter oor [sic] table. Sprinkle lightly with flour. Roll out about 1/4 of the dough, intil [sic.] it has a thickness of about one eighth inch. This should just about cover the entire foil/ cookie sheet.
9. Exchange cards and letters with your friend’s mom fairly regularly. Ask for her gingerbread recipe. Bake it in your dorm kitchen, estimating measurements with a coffee mug and soup spoon. Be surprised at how well it turns out.
10. Cut pattern piecesor [sic] cookies in this dough, but leave the cookies on the sheet. (You should leave a half inch between pieces.) Now remove all of the dough in between the cookies oor [sic] gingerbread house pattern pieces. Carefully slide the cookie sheet under the foil, and secure the foil on to the cookie sheet.
11. When your mom calls an hour before you’d normally get up for work, answer the phone. Afterwards, go to work anyway, because you’re not sure what else to do.
12. Bake in a slow oven (300 degrees) for 20 minutes, or until cookies feel firm to the touch. Remove cookie sheet from oven and trim any cookie or house pieces while still warm. Cool cookies on cookie on [sic] a wire rack for 5 minutes, then slide off foil and cool completely.
13. Go to your best friend’s house and help her mom clean out her room. Don’t make gingerbread. Listen while her mom reads aloud from her diary. Cling to each other on the floor of her room and cry until your throat hurts while a legion of porcelain dolls watch impassively from above. Go home with a shoebox full of Barbie clothes.
14. Top with royal icing (simple version).
John Lloyd: Lastly, here's a Freudian question for you. Freud once said, "The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: what does a woman want?" What do you feel about that?
Natalie Haynes: I think... a woman wants not to be treated as some sort of exotic sub-species by a coke-addled creep like Freud.
It is my policy to avoid declaring this or that to be “doing steampunk wrong,” but in this case I think an exception to the policy is warranted:
If you can ask the question “Dude, aren’t you a little too dark skinned to be posting things in the steampunk and gothic tag?” If you can allow the words “You do realize you have to be pale right?” to pass your lips or fingers as anything other than an absurdity
You are doing Steampunk wrong. You’re also doing humanity wrong.
I’ve known Dan casually for my entire adult life. He is Not Wrong.
so I’m playing Marvel Puzzle Quest because hey, why not, and:
- Hot damn, the balance is off. I can fairly reliably blow though “impossible” missions involving NPCs 10 or more levels above me, but “trivial” missions where someone’s about two-ish levels above me result in death and sadness.
- Also, a lot of things got rated “trivial” the minute I stumbled on an L15 Doctor Doom rare, despite none of the rest of my team being able to hold that standard (I got Doom within, like, 10 minutes of starting the game). I call that the Final Fantasy Tactics Problem.
- However, the AI no longer cheats like a bastard, which was the hallmark of all previous Puzzle Quest games. That, at least, is nice.
- And, hey, I’m not exactly sad about being rated top-250 in the mission I’m running, let’s face it. The weird balancing is more forgiving than Avengers Alliance.
A young Kenyan woman holds her pet deer in Mombassa, March 1909.Photograph by Underwood and Underwood
Iron Man #23.NOW variant cover by me (Joe Quinones)!
Tony and Pepper!
AAAAAAAA JOE QUINONES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
seriously this is so adorable I can’t even deal